push the button run like heck,,, no one see's no one tells.

I'm pretty sure he's gay, or at least French.

He's tighter than a bulls bung during fly season

I might be too old to deliver the mail but I can still lick the stamp!

If the dog wouldn't have stopped to take a chit he'd have caught the rabbit.

He's so skinny that kids in Africa send him money for food.

hes so cheap he reuses binder twine

Hot enough to knock up sheep.

That salesman could talk a starving dog off a meat truck

So broke that if it cost five dollars to go around the world, I couldn't get out of sight.

My dog can run faster through the briars than a dose of salts through a fat lady.

Don't let your gator mouth overload your humming bird a$$.

Dryer than a pop corn fart.

He was so tall he could go duck hunting with a rake.

"funnier than midgets running track"

So black a piece of coal would make a white mark on it.

If I say a chicken has lips then pucker up.

He's about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.

That stinks so bad it could knock a buzzard off a gut wagon.

He was happier than a tornado in a trailer park.

He's slower than molasses going uphill in January.

She was busier than a one-eyed cat watching two rat holes.

It's colder than a cast iron outhouse on Christmas day.

slicker than 2 eels f'n in a bucket of snot
dumber in the head than a hog is in the arse
kicks like a 2 dollar mule
runs his mouth like a bell clapper in a goose's arse
talks so much she could blow up an onion bag
RR

it ain't worth two dead fies

Crazier than a run over dog

The wind is blowin harder than a bus load of queers outside

As worthless as tits on a boar

If my aunt had nuts she'd be my uncle

You couldn't catch crabs in a back alley whorehouse

He's as lazy as a butchers dog

I'm happier than a queer in boys town

"Having sex at my age is like trying to poke a squirrel out of a tree with a rope" or "having sex at my age is like trying to shoot pool with a rope". I believe both of these quotes came from the late George Burns.

I am as nervous as a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

He’s about as useful as a pogo stick in quicksand.

He couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.

That's as messed up as Obamas check book!