Tighter than a bulls rear come fly time!!

Nailer, given the time of your post - 0230 - I reckon you actually just experienced at least one of these.....LOL.

LOL... Not "Just"... But I think both have happened this time of the night in my younger days

That's slicker than eel snot

She's a double bagger... you're gonna have to put one over her head, and another over your dog's so he don't laugh at ya

If a bullfrog had wings he wouldn't bump his butt

If wants were wishes, pigs would fly

Grinning like a possum eatin persimmons

He's tighter than turtle p$#@y, and that's waterproof!

Government workers are rarer than virgin prostitutes

She was so fat, if she ever decided to haul- arse she'd have to make two trips.

Can lift a ton but cant spell it Looks like she got beat by an ugly stick fell through an ugly tree an hit every branch

He's so cheap, he squeezes a nickel and makes the buffalo crap!

Meet me in the cornfield honey and I'll kiss you between the ears

He's so tight he can eat coal for breakfast and crap diamonds by dinner.

If I don't see ya through the week, I'll see ya through the window.

Colder than a well digger's a$$.

Let's make like a baby and head out.

If that dog bites you he's gonna have to eat pig schit to get the taste out of his mouth.

She's so awesome she can eat two grapes and an apple, then shart you out a fruit salad.

He is so tight, he wouldn't give a nickel to watch a snake ride a bicycle.

Even Ray Charles can see there ain't no coon in that tree.
Hotter than a fresh F***ed fox in a forest fire.
Don't know S**t from shinola.

If ya don't have a strong mind, ya better have a strong back!

I'll be on that...quicker than 2 hobos on a ham sandwich

I'll drop you like a bad transmission

Lol.

Like a fat kid on a cupcake.

Ill fold u like a sandwich!

I'll fold you up like a cheap suit.

They was so Po couldn't afford the other O or the R.
Hung like a bull at the fair.
Tighter than a knats azz stretched over a rain barrel.
Fell out of the ugly tree hit every branch on the way down.
Loose as a goose.
Dumber than a box of rocks.
Better to be shot at and missed than chit at and hit.

When I first met her. As she walked away her butt looked like to peaches tied in a hanky and swaying in the breeze. Now it looks like two hogs wrasselin under a blanket.

Mac