I can count on my hand the number of times my father told me he loved me when I was growing up. Not that I ever thought he didn’t or that he didn’t show it, he just never said it much. He never misses an opportunity to tell me now. Seems to be a trend the past few years. This week I received phone calls from a couple guys that used to work for me and as the call came to a close they ended with a “love you brother.”

Is this a good trend or should men go to understanding the unspoken?

My father never once said it to me or I to him. But it wasn't necessary, we both knew it.
But some people express themselves with words and that's okay too. I guess my answer to the question is a simple "whatever works."

probably a good trend with the number of men over 40 committing suicided be they vets or farmers both are high

so telling them might , might help.

I hung up the phone with an "I love you." with a friend I've known for more than forty years. He said the same thing back without hesitation. I do love the guy.

Remember the John Mellencamp song "Check it out"? Can't tell your best buddy that you love him. It's not true.

I can only remember my father saying I love you to me once in my life. That was after a horrific tragedy in my life he also cried that day. I try to tell him all the time. He actually gets uncomfortable when I say it, but that doesn't stop me. He's never told me not too.
I tell lots of people I love them because I truly do. If this is un- masculine then so be it. I express myself freely to my loved ones. It would weigh on my soul if they passed and I never said it to them.

Not only I love You but son/daughter I'm proud of you , every chance I get.

Best thing my dad ever said to me, was standing on the deck of the house I live in now, looking out over the creek, he said "grandpa would be proud of you"

I tell my son and my dad I love them all the time

Better to speak it and remove any doubt
Plus I think to actually hear it means just a little more to most people, whether they admit it or not

My Dad never said one good thing about me or something I have done.
My mother on the other hand was very encouraging all thru my life.
She has told me that my Dad often expressed to her how proud he was of me or what I have done.
She would tell him to tell your son that, don't tell me. He never did.

In my Dads later years I grew to resent him more and more as I saw how he treated my Mom.
As an example he hid money away while my Mom had no idea. She asked to get a vac for vacuuming the carpet on the stairs that was lighter than the big old heavy one they had.
It would of made her life easier, but he said no, we can't afford it. After he died we found all the money he had hidden away, it was over 6 figures, and he couldn't get his wife a smaller vac.
This and other things opened my eyes on how he was more concerned about things than people.
In the years since he died I have let the resentment go. It does me no good, doesn't change how he was as a man tho.

I make sure to tell my adult kids how proud I am of them and if they ever need anything that I can give them I do.
I think its not wise to heap praise on youngsters and to give them whatever they want tho, that's a different situation altogether..

I tell my kids multiple times a day how much I love them, and tuck them in every night with a kiss.

I tell my wife every day how much I love her, and that she's beautiful.

I'm not the best father or husband, probably just mediocre at best. But at least they know how I feel about them.

My father's been gone 38 years now, never said I love you or I'm proud of you. My mother has said I love once in a great while if I catch her off guard. lol. It is not the way they were or were raised. My wife her family is way over the top with it and made me very uncomfortable, to where she told them to not be hugging, kissing, me etc.
My son asked me a couple of years ago why I never told him I was proud of him, I said never thought I had to, I thought you knew it, and he said he did. I tell my Wife every morning I Love you and give her a kiss and a hug. I've told my children I am proud of them these days. Kids, and Grandkids as well, and with I Love You's often. Guess I went soft, not really, I realize it matters to say it.
Last year I was inducted into the Wisconsin Fastpitch Coaches Association HOF, part of my speech introduced my parents, and I hoped on that night my Dad was proud of me, I hope he was and is.
Never hesitate these days to say it and show it.

Growing up neither my mom or dad ever said it, Grandparents too, they did, but never expressed it, even to each other, never hugged either. Then one day in his late sixties he flipped the script and said it all the time, I think that's when they started the glad handing at church and the "peace be with you" part of the mass, and gave out hugs like he was being paid to and was kissing anyone that stood still. It kind of made me feel uncomfortable in a way as it was foreign to how we were raised.
Even now, I don't find it natural, I do tell the kids I love them and are proud of them, my wife too, but that early learning is hard to overcome....

I’ve noticed a shift in a lot of folks outlooks once they start thinking about their mortality as the days are less in front than in back of them. People that never stepped in a church their whole life suddenly talking about religion. So folks do shift somewhat as they get older some don’t just depends on their life style and priorities.

I can’t , he never did till I was 58

I bet his dad never did.
Tough time for tougher Germans…..

What's there to be afraid of? Why leave them wondering?
The inability to speak it comes from a position of fear; fear has torment. Words have power, release the power into someone's life.

"he never said it but I know he does," etc is a poor excuse for "I love you."

My parents were very guarded about it when I was a kid but became more common as they grew old. I hugged my kids every chance I got and told them I love them every night. Still do when we depart as well as my Daughters in law and my Grandkids.

My grandfather was a man of few words, and wasn't one to usually express a lot of emotion, but one "ritual" or whatever you want to call in my family was always saying "love you goodnight" before going to bed. Both of my grandparents would say that to me, and to their children, and my mom would also say it to me. I now end my phone conversations with my mom and grandma with either a "love you goodnight" or "love you bye", depending on the time of day.

My dad, I don't remember ever saying "love you" when I was young, but since I moved away he says "love you bye" when hanging up.

My husband and I say I love you when it's bedtime.

I find nothing at all wrong with any of that. In fact, I love knowing that if anything ever happens to any of them, the last thing we've said to each other is probably "love you".

Do any of you that have always expressed verbally in your family circle find yourself expressing it outside of that circle more than usual?

Nope.

I think it's a a family thing.. me and my dad never say it its just known, don't tell my mom either unless I think she needs it.. I tell 3 people I love them on a daily basis wife and kids.. however my wife tells everyone and so does her family, I tease her and say it's a good thing we pay our bills or you be telling the collectors you love them as well... I find this weird because not how I was raised. My son is like this and my daughter is not. I was raised not saying it and my childhood was great raised stern and rules and I guess through this I knew it showed love.. my wife was raised by a young mother no structure my partied all the time was never shown love it was a free for all. I guess her and brothers needed the words because it was never presented

My dad left when I was five so I have very little memory of him. My grandpap and I were together ALL the time. He called me his medicine. I absolutely never heard him say I love you to anyone. But the proof was in the pudding. He took me fishing and built me tee pees, made me little drums from coffee cans. Took me to the mall in the summer and we would get hot dogs at McCrory’s and I’d play video games in the arcade. When he died in 2001 I was 19 and I thought my heart was going to break. He never said I love you but I had no doubt in my mind that I was his everything and he was proud of me.

My dad said it when my brother and I were little... Maybe up to 5 or 6, but once we were big boys, he quit and so did we.
He started again about a year ago after the first time he got really sick and made a point of telling us how proud he was of us. I think he knew something then.

For many, it would have been too little, too late, but he always made clear by his actions that he loved us...and we never took the initiative and said it first either it's a shame that people let bitterness or pride leave important things unsaid until it is too late.

If you feel it and want to say it, just say it. Don't wait for the other person. If it makes them uncomfortable, just tell them why you say it, that they don't have to say it back but that you're going to tell them anyhow. Family, friends... we're supposed to feel it, we're directed by Jesus to love one another. It doesn't have to be icky.

For those that didn’t hear it much back in the day but hear it often now, is it just as valuable, less valuable or more valuable when you say it or hear it?

Good question, and hard to answer. I have no problem with a hug or "I love you" among close family, way less with other relatives and acquaintances...My wife can talk the air out of a room and she's constantly saying I love you to most folks. Still makes me a little uncomfortable, and it just becomes words. I think it made a bigger impact when it wasn't said much, compared to now, if that makes sense.

My old man loved beer. Pretty certain that was the extent of it.
I tell everyone in my family that I love them fairly often, but I believe actions speak louder than words. They all know that I love them.

Men, generally growing up were not well versed in expressing the “affectionate” side of themselves to family members or others, and as they get older toward the “autumn of their years,” some tend to look back at things they maybe should have expressed and try to do it now. Unfortunately many times the opportunity has been missed do too many unforseen factors. So if one senses, and now has the chance to do so, do it without hesitation. It may be one’s last chance.
SJA

“The clock of Time is wound just once, and no man has the power to know just when the hands will stop at late or early hour.”

GCS, is pretty much a X2 for me.

IMO, it's more in value, it indicates one's realization of maybe past regret.

I think it’s a good thing. It’s a hard word to say,, it’s not that you don’t,, men just aren’t good at saying things like that.
Use to be when my wife would say “ I love you “ I’d say back to her” you too”
When I had my close call with the blood clots in my lungs last year,, I began to rethink a lot of things.
I have gone back to calling her “ my sweet potato “ and I don’t hesitate to say “ I love you “ back to her.
It doesn’t mean that you are soft or sissified,,,
Sometimes folks just need to hear it