A Jewish husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to
their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.


The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the [Please excuse my language... I'm an idiot] was that?"


"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress..."



"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!"


"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering inBarbados, no more summers in Tuscany , no more BMW in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."


Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.



"Who's that woman with Moishe?" asks the wife.

"That's his mistress," says her husband.




"Ours is prettier," she replies...

That's a good one!!! haha, thanks for posting Mira!

Good one !!

thanks!! i needed that.

LOL, way to shift the focus.

Someday, a long time from now, President Clinton finishes his time on earth and approaches the Pearly Gates of heaven.
"And who might you be?" inquires St. Peter.
"It's me, Bill Clinton, formerly the President of the United States and Leader of the Free World."
"Oh, Mr. President! What may I do for you?" asked St. Peter.
"I'd like to come in," replies Clinton.
"Sure," says the Saint. "But first you have to confess your sins. What bad things have you done in your life?"
Clinton bites his lip and answers, "Well, I tried marijuana, but you can't call it dope-smoking because I didn't inhale. There were inappropriate extramarital relations but you can't call it adultery because we didn't have full 'sexual relations.' And I made some statements that were misleading but legally accurate. You can't call it bearing false witness because, as far as I know it didn't meet the legal standard of perjury."
With that St. Peter consults the "Book of Life" briefly, and declares, "OK, here's the deal. We'll send you somewhere hot, but we won't call it '[Please excuse my language... I'm an idiot].' You'll be there indefinitely, but we won't call it 'eternity.' And when you enter you don't have to 'abandon all hope,' just don't hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over."

An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed.
"Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the Grand Emir.
"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul, "infidel sit on well."