#82804 - 02/09/07 01:34 PM
This story was so funny I had to pass it along
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vikesbull
trapper
Registered: 01/01/07
Posts: 347
Loc: Central Iowa
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How many of you guys can relate to this?
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his
lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this :
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife. What I came across was a 100,000-volt,
pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be
short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing
her adequate time to retreat to safety....
WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I
loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the
button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get
the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
Awesome!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Betty what that burn spot is on
the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that
it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries, right?!!
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
(trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking
that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving
target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of
a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat.
But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself
against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as
advertised.
Was I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses
perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and
taser in another.
The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your
assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a
major loss of bodily control;
a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the
ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would
be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long,
less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with
two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst
from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad..
I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it.
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door,
picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet,
over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the
fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on
fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over
me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face,
undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"
Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note
of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap
yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from
your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst
would be considered conservative.
SON-OF-A-... that hurt like [Please excuse my language... I'm an idiot]!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what
little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
How did they up get there???
My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip
weighed 88 lbs.
I'm still looking for my testicles?
I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.
_________________________
Lifetime member ITA/NTA
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#82829 - 02/09/07 01:47 PM
Re: This story was so funny I had to pass it along
[Re: vikesbull]
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netrapper
trapper
Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 574
Loc: Elkhorn, Nebraska
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that is a hilarious story. lotta guts to zap yourself
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#82842 - 02/09/07 01:54 PM
Re: This story was so funny I had to pass it along
[Re: vikesbull]
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Whisker Down
trapper
Registered: 01/05/07
Posts: 269
Loc: NW Wisconsin
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Dang that was funny! It reminds me of the time I decided to put my finger on a shotgun bolt to see how hard the firing pin comes shooting out of there...it coundn't be all that bad just pull the trigger gently...........HOLY MOTHER OF GOD......... SH(i'm an idiot)IT DID THAT HURT!
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#82855 - 02/09/07 02:00 PM
Re: This story was so funny I had to pass it along
[Re: Whisker Down]
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Hupurest
trapper
Registered: 12/26/06
Posts: 3905
Loc: Las anchorage
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I was messing around with a can of bear pepper spray and set it off, it has a hair trigger and no creep... oh boy, that was horrible, I think I would rather get the tazer....
It felt like iw as on fire, and I only got a cloud of it, not a direct hit, and my lungs burnt for a week.
_________________________
Beaver for everyone VOTE  DOBBINS in -08
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#82863 - 02/09/07 02:03 PM
Re: This story was so funny I had to pass it along
[Re: Mncoontrapper]
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Samuelhasguns
trapper
Registered: 12/26/06
Posts: 1635
Loc: Pennsylvania,Lackawanna
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LMAO...
_________________________
The secret of succes is not giving up.
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#82883 - 02/09/07 02:10 PM
Re: This story was so funny I had to pass it along
[Re: tuskettrapperman]
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il.trapper
trapper
Registered: 12/22/06
Posts: 497
Loc: West Central Illinois
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LMBO...that is hilarious.....and I can see it happening too..that is what makes it worse.....
A fire call I had ....a 17yo shot himslef with a .22 pistol...I asked him why? He said cause his GF had turned him down earlier that night...I wanted to hit him right in his nose......but I was to dumb founded to do anything....he was ok...the bullet misssed everything important.....not only a fool...but a horrible shot too......some people...I swear
_________________________
Take a youngun outdoors...ya will both learn
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#83149 - 02/09/07 05:14 PM
Re: This story was so funny I had to pass it along
[Re: il.trapper]
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minnow
trapper
Registered: 01/08/07
Posts: 207
Loc: West Des Moines, Iowa
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Thats the best! I couldn't stop laughing. But I'm glad you were able to bring us such great advice. I'll just tell the wife the darn thing works great! So what she tell you after after you told her. Minnow (I'm hurt from laughing so much)
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#83155 - 02/09/07 05:22 PM
Re: This story was so funny I had to pass it along
[Re: minnow]
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traprjo
trapper
Registered: 12/29/06
Posts: 432
Loc: pa
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in states where they are allowed such as ohio officers who use them have to get zapped to see what it feels like could be why pa officers are not in a hurry to get permission to use them but i talked to ohio swat officers that love them and would not go to work without them good story tho like touching a hot item to see if its still hot OHHHHHHHHH
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#83201 - 02/09/07 05:54 PM
Re: This story was so funny I had to pass it along
[Re: traprjo]
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wyheadhunter
trapper
Registered: 12/28/06
Posts: 18
Loc: wyoming
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OMG I cant stop laughing, almost tinkled in my britches, no wait I spotted...
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#83203 - 02/09/07 05:55 PM
Re: This story was so funny I had to pass it along
[Re: traprjo]
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31 king
trapper
Registered: 02/06/07
Posts: 63
Loc: PA
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After I got done laughing I didnt feel near as bad about getting my thumb snapped in a coyote trap compared to what some other people have indured.
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#83566 - 02/09/07 08:40 PM
Re: This story was so funny I had to pass it along
[Re: curley-1]
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Nextyeartrapper
trapper
Registered: 12/23/06
Posts: 3147
Loc: richmond virginia
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LMAO
_________________________
what you do today you got to sleep with tonight
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#83643 - 02/09/07 09:15 PM
Re: This story was so funny I had to pass it along
[Re: Nextyeartrapper]
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coalminer
trapper
Registered: 12/23/06
Posts: 279
Loc: Pa
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Laughed so hard I have tears in my eyes, at a family picinic 1 yr. my uncle (after too many cold ones) bet the other 1 he wouldn't urinate on a electric fence. He did , knocked him out cold, unreal.
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#85059 - 02/10/07 07:21 PM
Re: This story was so funny I had to pass it along
[Re: CedarRivrTrappr]
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victoria vixen
trapper
Registered: 12/28/06
Posts: 609
Loc: Bahamas
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If I give them back will you have the balls to do it again?(LOL) VV
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#85060 - 02/10/07 07:21 PM
Re: This story was so funny I had to pass it along
[Re: CedarRivrTrappr]
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victoria vixen
trapper
Registered: 12/28/06
Posts: 609
Loc: Bahamas
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If I give them back will you have the balls to do it again?(LOL) VV
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#85073 - 02/10/07 07:28 PM
Re: This story was so funny I had to pass it along
[Re: victoria vixen]
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warcraft_jr.
trapper
Registered: 01/21/07
Posts: 294
Loc: HASTINGS , NEBRASKA
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i cant stop laughing , my side hurts
_________________________
never knock on deaths door , ring the doorbell and run away he hates that
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#85453 - 02/10/07 11:37 PM
Re: This story was so funny I had to pass it along
[Re: hammerdown-brown]
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derekv
trapper
Registered: 12/23/06
Posts: 386
Loc: owen sound ontario
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it gets better the 5th time you read it LOL
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#95452 - 02/17/07 01:12 PM
Re: This story was so funny I had to pass it along
[Re: cathryn]
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coonskinner
trapper
Registered: 02/03/07
Posts: 4
Loc: OHIO
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I would have used it on the cat.
coonskinner
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#95468 - 02/17/07 01:21 PM
Re: This story was so funny I had to pass it along
[Re: cathryn]
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il.trapper
trapper
Registered: 12/22/06
Posts: 497
Loc: West Central Illinois
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finally, a man that gets it.LOL
Ya may be right Catherine...but what gets me is....as soon as ya gals get alone with it...ya have to see for yourselves......after being told not to.....ya just may be smart enough to never tell anyone. LOL
_________________________
Take a youngun outdoors...ya will both learn
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