Marty Harmon
trapper
Registered: 01/02/07
Posts: 368
Loc: north Mississippi
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While driving a truck for a living, I've noticed something more and more over the last few years. The all time "King of all Roadkill", Alias "Mr. Opossum, has new competition. The armadillo is becoming as common a sight on the shoulder of the road, legs up, as the opossum has in the past. I am on a dedicated run so I travel the same route each day, and I've noticed a trend, it seemed to me that they are taking turns getting ran over. A diller here, a possum there, had stirred up my curiosity. Then the other day, just as it was breaking daylight, I saw something that not only shocked me, but answered the question that I'd been pondering over.
I was on my way to Memphis when I noticed something out in front of my headlights. There was just enough light that I could make out the forms of two animals, one on each side of the road. As I got a little closer I saw that the animal on the left shoulder was a possum, and on the right shoulder, an armadillo. I immediately realized what has been going on, and why I've seen so many "run-overs" lately. They are holding races, they'll line up on each side of the road, and once a vehicle gets to a certain distance, race in front of it to see who will meet their destiny.
I watched in amazement as the two readied themselves for the race. Facing each other with both front paws just touching the asphalt, they went through their pre-race ceremony. The armadillo reminded me of a "funny-car" drag racer. He kept his front paws in position, but would "spin-out" with his back ones, slinging dust and gravel as he dug a small trench to, "I imagine" give him more traction. The opossum was grinning at me, and reminded me of n old bull, he would rake one of his front paws backwards, as if getting ready to charge. His tail was raking back and forth across the gravel behind him, smoothing it out so he could get his "clawless" thumb into it for more traction.
There was no traffic coming in the long stretch in front of me, so I decided to make the race as fair as possible. I eased the eighteen wheeler over to the middle of the highway, and tried to put the hood ornament right above the dotted white lines, as I thought to myself, may the best varmit win.
I was very close now and I saw the dillar scrunch his accordion like body up, preparing to spring forward. The possum was scrunched down, his ears laid back, and tail sticking straight up in the air. No smile on his face now, he was strickly buisness. I decided the fairest way to start the race was a blast of the air-horn. I raised my hand up to the pull cord and pulled downward. BOOOOOONNNNNKKKKK!!! The blast shattered the early morning silence.
The dillar expanded his segmented body forward, giving him at least a foot advantage over the possum. The possum wasn't giving up though, ears laid back and little legs a-churning, he was giving it his all. I was almost at them and could tell the dillar was going to win, when the possum hit his "turbo" button. His tail started spinning circles so fast my eyes could barely keep up with it as this green, "slimey" looking stuff shot out of his exhaust pipe!! This propelled him ahead just as I arrived!
Boom, Boom, kapoot, kapoot, bootle bootle!!! It would have needed a photo finish to tell which arrived first, but looking in the rear-view mirror, it looked like each one got nine tires. I decided to call it a draw, but the dillar did make the loudest noise, it sounded like a ripe watermellon dropped on a concrete floor when he exploded. The possum just mad a Phhooott sound.
I was very sastisfied to have solved this mystery, I like to learn something new every day, as it keeps life interesting. I'm also proud to pass this information on to you, now, when you see a possum, or armadillar, on the side of the highway, You'll know which one won the race...
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Edited by Marty Harmon (08/18/07 05:50 PM)
Edit Reason: add picture
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 My protruding parts not caught by a trap*****yet****ears, nose, and left testicle.
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