#240044 - 06/25/07 08:05 AM
A great laugh from long ago.....
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Paul Dobbins
trapper
Registered: 12/22/06
Posts: 2881
Loc: Golsboro, North Carolina
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A few years back, Nittany Lion posted this on here and it was one of the funniest things I'd ever read. While at the PA convention this weekend, he asked if I got a the copy he'd sent to me some time back and told him I didn't Anyway, he sent it to me again, and I'm glad he did. Here's his story......
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquistion was no problem. Then one morning, I was taking a shower after breakfast when I heard my wife,Paula, call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again, Please come reset it." "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" There was a meaningful pause and then. "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."
So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly.
Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as i reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.
The impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter.....and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where collegues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was. "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?" If they only knew!
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#240059 - 06/25/07 08:24 AM
Re: A great laugh from long ago.....
[Re: Paul Dobbins]
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possum skinner
trapper
Registered: 12/25/06
Posts: 2396
Loc: Virginia 38 - act 10 - feel 68
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#240062 - 06/25/07 08:29 AM
Re: A great laugh from long ago.....
[Re: possum skinner]
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TurTLe
trapper
Registered: 12/29/06
Posts: 388
Loc: KS
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That's not funny, that's painful. I literally have a stomach ache just thinking about it. I probably won't see my boys for a week. They took the "flight" option, straight up and away.LMAO
_________________________
Seasons Catch:
1 Chubacabra
1 Unicorn
1 Albino Leprachaun
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#240064 - 06/25/07 08:32 AM
Re: A great laugh from long ago.....
[Re: possum skinner]
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boyswannatrap
trapper
Registered: 12/27/06
Posts: 1113
Loc: NY
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Send it to reader's Digest, that one will win any funny story contest.
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#240075 - 06/25/07 08:48 AM
Re: A great laugh from long ago.....
[Re: JBMan]
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j lord
trapper
Registered: 12/22/06
Posts: 4116
Loc: TN, just north of Smackdown
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lmao! that was hilarious (in my squeaky just got kick in the "boys" voice)!
_________________________
James
--------
I survived the timeout of Feb '07
Runnin' With J Lord two disk set
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#240102 - 06/25/07 09:31 AM
Re: A great laugh from long ago.....
[Re: j lord]
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white17
"General (Mr.Sunshine) Washington"
trapper
Registered: 03/17/07
Posts: 5070
Loc: McGrath, AK
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GREAT !!!
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Mean As Nails
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#240236 - 06/25/07 12:33 PM
Re: A great laugh from long ago.....
[Re: white17]
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derekv
trapper
Registered: 12/23/06
Posts: 386
Loc: owen sound ontario
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lmao oh my i feel sorry for him yet im breathless from laughing
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#240238 - 06/25/07 12:34 PM
Re: A great laugh from long ago.....
[Re: derekv]
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blaine
trapper
Registered: 12/22/06
Posts: 1114
Loc: south mississippi
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lol talk about being in a bind.
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IS YOU IS OR IS YOU AIN'T
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#240537 - 06/25/07 05:11 PM
Re: A great laugh from long ago.....
[Re: Andrew S]
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Nextyeartrapper
trapper
Registered: 12/23/06
Posts: 3147
Loc: richmond virginia
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lol
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what you do today you got to sleep with tonight
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#240580 - 06/25/07 05:43 PM
Re: A great laugh from long ago.....
[Re: Nextyeartrapper]
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Dead Coyote
trapper
Registered: 02/23/07
Posts: 1186
Loc: S.W. Minnesota
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Now that's FUNNY right there, I don't care who you are!!
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Proud Member of the Minnesota Trappers Association, and we will never surrender!
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#240589 - 06/25/07 05:50 PM
Re: A great laugh from long ago.....
[Re: Bluetickhunter]
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wheelers
"Camping Sheriff"
trapper
Registered: 12/22/06
Posts: 4872
Loc: Minnesota
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#240595 - 06/25/07 05:57 PM
Re: A great laugh from long ago.....
[Re: Dead Coyote]
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Dead Coyote
trapper
Registered: 02/23/07
Posts: 1186
Loc: S.W. Minnesota
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Once was a guy who was eating hotdogs and he had one left over and he did't want it. So he opened the screen door and threw it out to the cats. Of course the big orange Tomcat got it before the other ones had a chance. Later on that night he decided to look outside through the screen door. He suddenly felt the urge to take a leak and opened the door a crack to stick his business out and go. When he stuck it out through the crack he seen that BIG ORANGE TOMCAT make a lunge for it, and pulled it back in before of thinking of holding the door open to make it clear. OUCH!!! He was seen that night by the doctor for abrasions and lacerations. The cat died also from lead poisoning that very next day. True story! If I'm lying, I'm dying.
_________________________
Proud Member of the Minnesota Trappers Association, and we will never surrender!
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#240602 - 06/25/07 06:03 PM
Re: A great laugh from long ago.....
[Re: Dead Coyote]
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mtbadger
trapper
Registered: 12/22/06
Posts: 948
Loc: Billings Montana
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Paul I can look at this now and laugh....
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Ordinary men can do extrodinary things....
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#240629 - 06/25/07 06:31 PM
Re: A great laugh from long ago.....
[Re: cathryn]
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MChewk
trapper
Registered: 12/23/06
Posts: 951
Loc: Northern Illinois
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Great read LOL! Well written Lion!
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#240671 - 06/25/07 07:03 PM
Re: A great laugh from long ago.....
[Re: MChewk]
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Marty Harmon
trapper
Registered: 01/02/07
Posts: 368
Loc: north Mississippi
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Wow!!! sounds Painful!! at least the trap only got one of mine. These episodes are quite funny after the pain is gone. Thanks for sharing.
_________________________
 My protruding parts not caught by a trap*****yet****ears, nose, and left testicle.
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#240695 - 06/25/07 07:24 PM
Re: A great laugh from long ago.....
[Re: Gary]
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bigpat
trapper
Registered: 03/23/07
Posts: 503
Loc: New York
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Man I laughed til I about fell out of my seat! Thanks for posting this.
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#240697 - 06/25/07 07:26 PM
Re: A great laugh from long ago.....
[Re: Gary]
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Minker
trapper
Registered: 12/23/06
Posts: 245
Loc: Ohio
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LMAOROTFPMGOALI !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NINNY, you are a man among men , to have survived that much less be able to admit to it !
i hope the cat was stuffed into the garbage disposal!
mark
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#240953 - 06/25/07 10:29 PM
Re: A great laugh from long ago.....
[Re: NYNovice]
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mtbadger
trapper
Registered: 12/22/06
Posts: 948
Loc: Billings Montana
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Scary visual and lots of BLOOD....
_________________________
Ordinary men can do extrodinary things....
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#242578 - 06/27/07 04:55 PM
Re: A great laugh from long ago.....
[Re: cathryn]
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Derek Brayen
trapper
Registered: 12/23/06
Posts: 2731
Loc: Erieville, New York
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#242762 - 06/27/07 06:56 PM
Re: A great laugh from long ago.....
[Re: MT Mtn Trapper]
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James
"Frostbite Jimmy"
trapper
Registered: 12/26/06
Posts: 1491
Loc: Anchorage, Alaska
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Oh, man, that has me wincing too much to laugh.
Just one more reason why housecats should be banned as a deleterious, non-indigenous species.
Jim
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#242892 - 06/27/07 08:57 PM
Re: A great laugh from long ago.....
[Re: James]
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mike jerrell
trapper
Registered: 01/23/07
Posts: 1637
Loc: Mississippi
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Thats a good un, both of em
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Its not the miles that killin me, Its all them stops I made.
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#242924 - 06/27/07 09:21 PM
Re: A great laugh from long ago.....
[Re: mike jerrell]
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goatchin
trapper
Registered: 12/22/06
Posts: 811
Loc: Sherburne, New York (Central N...
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i'm LMAO and wincing at the same time
gives me another reason to hate cats
_________________________
"Duct tape, ratchet straps, zip ties, balin twine, bungie cords, WD-40, and a bigger hammer can fix any thing and WILL save the world some day"
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#242938 - 06/27/07 09:29 PM
Re: A great laugh from long ago.....
[Re: Paul Dobbins]
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WRBT
trapper
Registered: 12/23/06
Posts: 131
Loc: AR
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Sorry people. Just another urban legand.
snopes
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#242943 - 06/27/07 09:31 PM
Re: A great laugh from long ago.....
[Re: goatchin]
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nelacres
"Farmer"
trapper
Registered: 12/23/06
Posts: 2375
Loc: Derby, Vermont
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LMAO...
Thanks to both of you for sharing.LOL
_________________________
State hopping longlining Future Tenn Trapping Fool
Nelly
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#242995 - 06/27/07 09:59 PM
Re: A great laugh from long ago.....
[Re: nelacres]
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dnew
trapper
Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 320
Loc: West Al
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LMAO Sent it to some friends.
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#243233 - 06/28/07 02:22 AM
Re: A great laugh from long ago.....
[Re: cathryn]
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mtbadger
trapper
Registered: 12/22/06
Posts: 948
Loc: Billings Montana
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You're not being nice...LOL
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Ordinary men can do extrodinary things....
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#243235 - 06/28/07 02:37 AM
Re: A great laugh from long ago.....
[Re: mtbadger]
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LT GREY
trapper
Registered: 04/09/07
Posts: 5554
Loc: Central Ohio
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OUCH!
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