#21241 - 01/05/07 07:54 AM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: SDHunter]
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Zim
trapper
Registered: 12/27/06
Posts: 64
Loc: Rock Springs, WI
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
To show the possum it could be done.
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#21350 - 01/05/07 09:16 AM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: Zim]
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Rick the Trapper
trapper
Registered: 12/29/06
Posts: 121
Loc: Fairfield Ohio
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A second grade teacher is teaching evelution . She calls on Billy .
A teacher says Billy do you see the grass . Billy says yes and then the teacher says do you see the sky ? billy says yes and then she says do you see God Billy ? Billy says no . then the teacher says then maybe he isn't there . Then Suzy asks if she can ask Billy some questions . The teacher says yes . then Suzy asks Billy do you see the grass ? Billy says yes . Do you see the sky ? Billy says yes . Then she says do you see the teacher ? Billy says yes . Do you see the teachers brain ? Billy says no . Suzy then says then what the teacher taught us today mabye it isn't their .
lol
Rick
Edited by Rick the Trapper (01/20/07 08:28 AM)
_________________________
Attention antis "if you don't like what you see don't look".
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#21499 - 01/05/07 11:14 AM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: goatchin]
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boyswannatrap
trapper
Registered: 12/27/06
Posts: 1113
Loc: NY
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A woman who is crazy about the Beetles gets a Tatoo of Ringo Starr on her left inner thigh and one of John Lennon on her right inner thigh. She is so happy, she cannot wait to show her husband. On the walk home she notices CharlesKS coming out of the Doctor's office and decides to show him. She walks up and lifts her skirt, asks him if he thinks the Tatoo artist did a good rendition of John on the right and Ringo on the left?
.
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Charles says "Ma'am, I don't know who they are but the one in the middle sure looks like TrophyHunter to me".
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#21525 - 01/05/07 11:37 AM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: goatchin]
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Trapper7
trapper
Registered: 12/27/06
Posts: 724
Loc: Rice, MN
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82 year old Henny Youngman, the king of the two-liners once said, "I was standing on the corner in Las Vegas. A prostitute came up to me and said, "For a hundred bucks, I'll do anything you want."
I said, "OK, paint my house!"
_________________________
Mosquitoes: Nature's way of feeding campers.
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#21550 - 01/05/07 11:50 AM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: Trapper7]
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boyswannatrap
trapper
Registered: 12/27/06
Posts: 1113
Loc: NY
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LOL....Classic.
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#21732 - 01/05/07 01:54 PM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: Bloodyknuckles]
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breezy bri
trapper
Registered: 12/27/06
Posts: 281
Loc: that one city, Missouri
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boyswannatrap --- that is the greatest one i have heard so far! Mine's not really a joke, but a funny story!
Worst 1st Date
If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!
We have all had bad dates....but this takes the cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays. This was on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter... snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside of Salt Lake City, Utah . It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point when she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be on the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.
Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt, despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing, however, she soon became aware of another sensation.
As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal.
It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that, indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance!" He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!
Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.
As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down... or perhaps that should be "pants down." And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment, "This gives a whole new meaning to being p'd off."
_________________________
...It's the eye of the tiger... ~goose's girl~ I can kill a man 32 ways  If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
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#21781 - 01/05/07 02:32 PM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: goatchin]
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kraig
trapper
Registered: 12/25/06
Posts: 223
Loc: Oak Forest, IL
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A Montana cowboy
>
> A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous
> pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards
> him.
>
> The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban
> sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If
> I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will
> you give me a calf?"
>
> The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his
> peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
>
> The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer
>
> connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on
> the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get
> an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA
> satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
>
> The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and
> exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany .
>
> Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image
> has been processed and the data stored.
>
> He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel
> spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes,
> receives a response.
>
> Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
> miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and
> says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
>
> "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the
> cowboy.
>
> He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on
> amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
>
> Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you
> exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
>
> The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why
> not?"
>
> You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says the cowboy.
>
> "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
>
> "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even
> though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I
> already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much
> smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a
> flock of sheep.
>
> Now give me back my dog.
>
_________________________
Attitudes and negativity may come and go but friends are forever.....
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#21854 - 01/05/07 03:43 PM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: kraig]
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K-zoo
trapper
Registered: 12/23/06
Posts: 376
Loc: Otsego, MI 50
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Why do people automatically hate lawyers?
It saves time.
Edited by K-zoo (01/05/07 03:45 PM)
_________________________
Member NTA, FTA, NRA, NMLRA, MUCC
2Cor. 5:17
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#21866 - 01/05/07 03:51 PM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: K-zoo]
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BigBob
trapper
Registered: 12/23/06
Posts: 2191
Loc: St. Louis Co, Mo
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Why is a divorce so expensive?
Cause it's worth it.
_________________________
"Every kid needs a dog and a curmudgeon" 
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