#19080 - 01/03/07 08:48 PM
The almight joke thread!!!
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Trophyhunter
"Reformed Scab Picker"
trapper
Registered: 12/23/06
Posts: 4335
Loc: Michigan
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Post your favorite joke here, (this is in memory of cathryn, since she is MIA).
A cowboy from texas, a frenchman, an englishman, and a mexican are on an airplane. The pilot comes on the intercom and says the plane is too heavy they are going to crash if someone doesn't jump and give their life so the rest can live.
The Englishman steps to the door, yells, "god save the queen" and plunges to his death.
A few minutes later the pilot comes on the intercom and repeats the same request. The Frenchman steps to the doorway and yells, "god save the king", and plunges to his death.
A few minutes later the pilot comes on again and has the same request, the cowboy walks up to the door and looks out, then the mexican walks to the door and looks out, the cowboy pushes the mexican out the door and yells, "remember the alamo!!!"
_________________________
I survived the death clutch of Boss Hog, and am now here for my 3rd tour of duty on Tman
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#19085 - 01/03/07 08:51 PM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: Trophyhunter]
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goatchin
trapper
Registered: 12/22/06
Posts: 811
Loc: Sherburne, New York (Central N...
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lol
what do you get when you put a polar bear and a penguin together?
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a polar bear
_________________________
"Duct tape, ratchet straps, zip ties, balin twine, bungie cords, WD-40, and a bigger hammer can fix any thing and WILL save the world some day"
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#19093 - 01/03/07 08:53 PM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: goatchin]
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Texas Trapper
trapper
Registered: 12/22/06
Posts: 441
Loc: Texas
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good one Trophyhunter
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Formerly trapperboy'93
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#19153 - 01/03/07 09:22 PM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: Drifter]
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linderbean
trapper
Registered: 12/23/06
Posts: 2048
Loc: northeast IL
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who's there?
_________________________
http://main.y-me.org/goto/klindee------------------- Get your own dirt. ------------------- "Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy"
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#19168 - 01/03/07 09:28 PM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: Trophyhunter]
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Bryton
trapper
Registered: 12/25/06
Posts: 895
Loc: Wisconsin
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a bear and a rabbit are in the woods going poo, the bear asks the rabbit if he has trouble with poo sticking to his fur, the rabbit replies, "why no, not at all", the bear grabs the rabbit and wipes his bottom with the rabbit.
LOL!!!!
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#19178 - 01/03/07 09:32 PM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: Bryton]
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linderbean
trapper
Registered: 12/23/06
Posts: 2048
Loc: northeast IL
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"a guy posting on the almighty joke thread" who?
_________________________
http://main.y-me.org/goto/klindee------------------- Get your own dirt. ------------------- "Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy"
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#19197 - 01/03/07 09:37 PM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: Trophyhunter]
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linderbean
trapper
Registered: 12/23/06
Posts: 2048
Loc: northeast IL
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There will be no spanking!!
_________________________
http://main.y-me.org/goto/klindee------------------- Get your own dirt. ------------------- "Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy"
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#19215 - 01/03/07 09:42 PM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: Trophyhunter]
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Canatrapper
trapper
Registered: 12/23/06
Posts: 270
Loc: Big Lake, Minnesota
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What do you get when a cow is in an earthquake???
A Milk Shake! :-)
How did the gum cross the road????
It was stuck to the chickens foot.
My mom is a grade two teacher don't get me started guys!
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#19238 - 01/03/07 09:50 PM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: Trophyhunter]
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Pogo
trapper
Registered: 12/22/06
Posts: 518
Loc: Iowa...Along the 'Ol Miss
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What do you get a 900 pound gorrila for a birthday present?
I dont knoew either,...BUT YOU BETTER HOPE HE LIKES IT!!!!
*********************************************************
Edited by Drifter (01/03/07 10:02 PM)
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#19242 - 01/03/07 09:52 PM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: Pogo]
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Pogo
trapper
Registered: 12/22/06
Posts: 518
Loc: Iowa...Along the 'Ol Miss
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A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it
on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control." As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife
and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?" The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector
went off when it did." As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar
detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?" The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine." The driver says, "Yeah,
well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket." The wife
says "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??" The
officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk
to you this way, Ma'am?"
I love this part....
"Only when he's been drinking."
*****************************************************************
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After their tent is all
set up, they fell sound asleep. One hour later, Tonto wakes the Lone
Ranger and says, "Kemo-Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?" The Lone Ranger
replies, "I see millions of stars." "What that tell you?" asked Tonto. The Lone
Ranger ponders for a minute, and then says, "Astronomically speaking,
it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially millions of
planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise,
it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small
and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day
tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?" Tonto is silent for a moment,
and then says, "Kemo-Sabe, you dope. Someone stole tent!"
Edited by Drifter (01/03/07 10:05 PM)
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#19245 - 01/03/07 09:52 PM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: Trophyhunter]
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linderbean
trapper
Registered: 12/23/06
Posts: 2048
Loc: northeast IL
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*sticks tongue out at TH*
savell, "well? we're waiting??"
_________________________
http://main.y-me.org/goto/klindee------------------- Get your own dirt. ------------------- "Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy"
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#19257 - 01/03/07 09:58 PM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: Trophyhunter]
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linderbean
trapper
Registered: 12/23/06
Posts: 2048
Loc: northeast IL
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nope 
_________________________
http://main.y-me.org/goto/klindee------------------- Get your own dirt. ------------------- "Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy"
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#19269 - 01/03/07 10:02 PM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: Trophyhunter]
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Geezerman
trapper
Registered: 12/22/06
Posts: 4271
Loc: Allen County, Indiana
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Three Arkansas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries
> they had performed.One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Arkansas .
> In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident, I
> reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the
> Queen of England.
>
> The second surgeon said. "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs
> in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in
> track and field events in the Olympics.
>
> The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a woman was
> high on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse head-on into a train
> traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the woman's blonde
> hair and the horse's rear end. I was able to put them together and now she's a
> senator from New York .
Edited by Geezerman (01/03/07 10:02 PM)
_________________________
I'm just a bitter, small town midwestern , gun in one hand and bible in the other leprechan 
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#19278 - 01/03/07 10:05 PM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: Trophyhunter]
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linderbean
trapper
Registered: 12/23/06
Posts: 2048
Loc: northeast IL
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Darwin Awards
2006 RUNNER UP: Copper Kite Darwin Award -- Confirmed
"One string short of a kite."
(19 March 2006, Belize) Benjamin Franklin reputedly flew his kite
in a lightning storm, going on to discover that lightning equals
electricity. However, certain precautions must be taken to avoid
sudden electrocution. Kennon, 26, replicated the conditions of
Ben Franklin's experiment, but without Ben's sensible safety
precautions. Dennon was flying a kite with a short string that
he had extended with a length of thin copper wire.
The copper made contact with a high-tension line, sending a bolt
of electrical lightning towards the man. Just bad luck?
Kennon's father told listeners his son was an electrician, and
"should have known better." Kennon is survived by his parents,
six sisters, and five brothers.
--------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+
2006 RUNNER UP: Hammer of Doom Darwin Award -- Confirmed
August brought us a winner from Brazil, who tried to disassemble
a Rocket Propelled Grenade (RPG) by driving back and forth over
it with a car. This technique was ineffective, so he escalated to
pounding the RPG with a sledgehammer. The second try worked--in
a sense. The explosion proved fatal to one man, six cars, and
the repair shop wherein the efforts took place.
14 more RPG grenades were found in a car parked nearby. Police
believe the ammunition was being scavenged to sell as scrap
metal. If it wasn't scrap then, it certainly is now!
--------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+
And the 2006 DARWIN AWARD Winner is...
HIGH ON LIFE: "Take a deep breath..."
(3 June 2006, Florida) Two more candidates have thrown themselves
into the running for a Darwin Award. The feet of Jason and Sara,
both 21, were found protruding from a deflated, huge helium
advertising balloon. Jason was a college student, and Sara
attended community college, but apparently their education had
glossed over the importance of oxygen.
When one breathes helium, the lack of oxygen in the bloodstream
causes a rapid loss of consciousness. Some euthanasia experts
advocate the use of helium to painlessly end one's life.
The pair pulled down the 8' balloon, and climbed inside. Their
last words consisted of high-pitched, incoherent giggling as they
slowly passed out and passed into the hereafter.
Sheriff's deputies said the two were not victims of foul play. No
drugs or alcohol were found. The medical examiner reported that
helium inhalation was a significant factor in their deaths. A
family member said "Sara was mischievous, to be honest. She liked
fun and it cost her."
--------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+
OOPS! Are these considered jokes if they are true??
_________________________
http://main.y-me.org/goto/klindee------------------- Get your own dirt. ------------------- "Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy"
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#19307 - 01/03/07 10:13 PM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: Trophyhunter]
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j lord
trapper
Registered: 12/22/06
Posts: 4116
Loc: TN, just north of Smackdown
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drifter is pete billings. he's been here for years, aint that right mister pink shirt carhart wearin man, lol.
_________________________
James
--------
I survived the timeout of Feb '07
Runnin' With J Lord two disk set
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#19489 - 01/04/07 08:15 AM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: Bloodyknuckles]
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linderbean
trapper
Registered: 12/23/06
Posts: 2048
Loc: northeast IL
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heehee
_________________________
http://main.y-me.org/goto/klindee------------------- Get your own dirt. ------------------- "Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy"
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#20330 - 01/04/07 06:18 PM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: kraig]
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Bryton
trapper
Registered: 12/25/06
Posts: 895
Loc: Wisconsin
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ttt
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#20366 - 01/04/07 06:35 PM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: Trophyhunter]
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ZachAttack
trapper
Registered: 01/01/07
Posts: 937
Loc: Goodlettsville, Tennessee
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There was a man in a barn and he was a little bit drunk ( ok alot ) His wife came in to milk the cow and had a white duck. Her Husband said "that is the ugliest pig I have ever seen where did you get it? His wife said. " I'll Have you know this is not a pig it is the Finest Duck in the county. The Husband said the Dumbest thing " I was talking to the duck.
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#20628 - 01/04/07 08:21 PM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: Trophyhunter]
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JR Simpkins
trapper
Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 22
Loc: Stockton, MO
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4 men were dining in a nice restraunt bragging about theyre sons, the first man says my son has been so successful and made so much money he bought 2 yahts and gave his best friend one of them, the second man says my son has been so successful and made so much money hey bought a resort and told his best he friend he could live there the rest of his life, the third man said my son has been so successful and made so much money he bought a ranch in colorado and gave his best friend a key to do whatever he wants. The fourth man says well boys my son isnt doing so well, he s gay. but his friends are doing great one gave him a yaht,one gave him the run of his resort and the other one gave him free range to his ranch.
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#20666 - 01/04/07 08:30 PM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: JR Simpkins]
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Deerehunter03
trapper
Registered: 12/26/06
Posts: 268
Loc: Marshallville Ohio / Curently ...
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This isn't realy a joke but a funny clip. Click the redneck drunk driver when you get to the scren
http://www.jibjab.com/search/jokes/video/drunk+driver/views/1
_________________________
"Don't be afraid to go after what you want to do, and what you want to be. But don't be afraid to be willing to pay the price." Tuff Hedeman
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#20961 - 01/04/07 10:09 PM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: Deerehunter03]
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Nextyeartrapper
trapper
Registered: 12/23/06
Posts: 3147
Loc: richmond virginia
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good one geez
_________________________
what you do today you got to sleep with tonight
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#20994 - 01/04/07 10:27 PM
Re: The almight joke thread!!!
[Re: Nextyeartrapper]
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goatchin
trapper
Registered: 12/22/06
Posts: 811
Loc: Sherburne, New York (Central N...
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this cruz ship owner owned a talking parrot and took it on the ship with him during the cruz. one this particlular trip a magician was aboard and the parrot watched him every day and then starting telling telling the audiance the tricks. "BAAAACQ BAAACQ the rabbits in his pocket BAACQ BAAAAACQ". Well eventually the magicain got furious and pulled out a pistol and shot at the talking parrot but the bird ducked and the bullet hit the fuel tanks to the ship. the ship blew up and the only survivors was the magician and the parrot. both stayed afloat by sitting on the floating pieces of wreakage. Finnaly the parrot said "all right i give up where the heck is the ship"
_________________________
"Duct tape, ratchet straps, zip ties, balin twine, bungie cords, WD-40, and a bigger hammer can fix any thing and WILL save the world some day"
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Moderator: Drifter
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