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#121356 - 03/04/07 06:46 PM Poetry
PA skinner Offline
trapper


Registered: 12/26/06
Posts: 448
Loc: PA
Here's a "poem" I wrote a few years ago, while running a spring beaver line. Feel free to comment.

Take a ride in the country
Dead grass, black-limbed skeleton building
and two fresh graves on the hill

The radio squawks and crys
Pull off into the mud
and crunch over brittle golden-rod to the water

Today the waves are high and choppy
Dancing with sunbeams

He appeared without a sound
as I was talking to myself
Quiet voice and old soldiers eyes
Dissappointing prices and traps on the wall
Kodiak island in the old days
Maybe next year..

On Deer Creek
the backwaters are swollen with ice melt
the color of weak coffee
trying to lap over my boot tops

The geese squawk a noisy "Goodbye"
It's spring
and gas prices are growing
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#121428 - 03/04/07 07:24 PM Re: Prose [Re: PA skinner]
NYNovice Moderator Online   content
trapper


Registered: 12/23/06
Posts: 1688
Loc: Central NY
Very Nice. The only comment I would make is that it comes accross a bit choppy, which makes it a little hard to follow, but that really isn't a criteria to making a good poem either. LOL. Very Nice.
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Misted Over Dawn
Cherry Red On the Hillside
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#121739 - 03/04/07 09:50 PM Re: Prose [Re: NYNovice]
derekv Offline
trapper


Registered: 12/23/06
Posts: 386
Loc: owen sound ontario
very good i liked it very much, mind if i pass it on? (with out taking credit)
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#121753 - 03/04/07 09:58 PM Re: Prose [Re: derekv]
PA skinner Offline
trapper


Registered: 12/26/06
Posts: 448
Loc: PA
Originally Posted By: derekv
very good i liked it very much, mind if i pass it on? (with out taking credit)


Thanks, no I don't mind.

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#161053 - 03/31/07 09:18 PM Re: Prose [Re: PA skinner]
PA skinner Offline
trapper


Registered: 12/26/06
Posts: 448
Loc: PA
This here forum is just taking off like a rocket, NOT!

Ok, I'll stick my neck on the block again, then.
I wrote this one, oh, almost a decade ago, now.

The Longing
------------

Like tired old soldiers
we sprawl by the fire
dreaming of brighter days
The smoke and spark of faded youth
writhes upward against diamond-bright stars
Our tarnished armor barely gleams in the firelight
Ah, but mountain air is a heady brew!
Listen close to our mutterings
and you'll still catch the longing
Some would say
that we built our own fences
only to fillet ourselves against the wire
I'd sooner place the blame on unseen foes
and powers in high places
If we could bring back the days
when it was only cold steel against warm blood
and the battle lines were drawn...
But now the fire fades in our eyes
Somewhere a lost creature
cries defiantly against the night
and I shiver
We beasts are all the more dangerous
when cornered

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#163525 - 04/03/07 03:25 PM Re: Prose [Re: PA skinner]
James Moderator Offline
"Frostbite Jimmy"
trapper


Registered: 12/26/06
Posts: 1491
Loc: Anchorage, Alaska
"very good i liked it very much, mind if i pass it on? (with out taking credit)"


"Thanks, no I don't mind."

You SHOULD mind. Are you donating your work to the public domain? Why not at least try to sell it first?

I like both these poems, the second maybe a bit better.

Btw, poetry is not "prose."

Jim

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#165176 - 04/04/07 06:03 PM Re: Prose [Re: James]
PA skinner Offline
trapper


Registered: 12/26/06
Posts: 448
Loc: PA
 Originally Posted By: James
"very good i liked it very much, mind if i pass it on? (with out taking credit)"


"Thanks, no I don't mind."

You SHOULD mind. Are you donating your work to the public domain? Why not at least try to sell it first?

I like both these poems, the second maybe a bit better.

Btw, poetry is not "prose."

Jim

I've heard poetry that doesn't ryme referred to as prose, but maybe that's incorrect. I just write the stuff, I don't care what people call it. And I don't try to sell it, altho' I have had some published.

thanks
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http://braintanner.henderland.net/

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#165187 - 04/04/07 06:07 PM Re: Prose [Re: PA skinner]
James Moderator Offline
"Frostbite Jimmy"
trapper


Registered: 12/26/06
Posts: 1491
Loc: Anchorage, Alaska
"Prose" means non-poetry, and includes both fiction and non-fiction. Still, nice work here.

Jim

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Moderator:  NYNovice, James 
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