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#2594153 - 05/27/11 07:58 PM Re: Homeschoolers VS Public School (moderators welcome [Re: Pasadena]
Happy Birthday NathanY Offline
trapper

Registered: 09/20/10
Posts: 411
Loc: Indiana
Courtship!!! There is other ways of getting to know someone other then by dating. The best way is to be a friend for a wile.
anyway read this

Courtship vs. Dating
Defining Courtship and Dating
Let's begin by defining courtship. Courtship ordinarily begins when a single man approaches a
single woman by going through the woman's father, and then conducts his relationship with the
woman under the authority of her father, family, or church, whichever is most appropriate.
Courtship always has marriage as its direct goal.
What then is dating? Dating, a more modern approach, begins when either the man or the
woman initiates a more- than-friends relationship with the other, and then they conduct that
relationship outside of any oversight or authority. Dating may or may not have marriage as its
goal.
The Differences Between Courtship and Dating
What are the differences in these two systems? For our purposes, there are three broad
differences between what has been called “biblical courtship” and “modern dating.”
1. The Difference in Motive
The first difference lies with the man's motive in pursuing the relationship. Biblical courtship has
one motive — to find a spouse. A man will court a particular woman because he believes it is
possible that he could marry her, and the courtship is the process of discerning whether that
belief is correct. To the extent that the Bible addresses premarital relationships at all, it uses the
language of men marrying and women being given in marriage (see Matt. 24:38; Luke 20:34-
35).
Numbers 30:3-16 talks about a transfer of authority from the father to the husband when a
woman leaves her father's house and is united to her husband. The Song of Solomon
showcases the meeting, courtship, and marriage of a couple — always with marriage in view. I
am not advocating arranged marriages; rather, I am pointing toward the biblical purpose for why
young men and women associate with one another. These passages do not argue that marriage
should be the direct goal of such relationships so much as they assume it.
Modern dating, on the other hand, need not have marriage as a goal at all. Dating can be
recreational. Not only is "dating for fun" acceptable, it is assumed that "practice" and learning by
"trial and error" are necessary, even advisable, before finding the person that is just right for
you. The fact that individuals will be emotionally and probably physically intimate with many
people before settling down with the "right person" is just part of the deal. Yet where is the
biblical support for such an approach to marriage? There is none. How many examples of
"recreational dating" do we see among God's people in the Bible? Zero. The category of
premarital intimacy does not exist, other than in the context of grievous sexual sin.
The motive for dating or courting is marriage. The practical advice I give the singles at
our church is, if you cannot happily see yourself as a married man (or woman) in less
than one year, then you are not ready to date.
“What Does a Biblical Relationship Look Like?” – Boundless webzine, Focus on the Family, Oct. 2006
2
2. The Difference in Mind-set
The second major difference between biblical courtship and modern dating is the mind-set
couples have when interacting with one another. What do I mean by that? Modern dating is
essentially a selfish endeavor. I do not mean maliciously selfish, as in "I'm going to try to hurt
you for my benefit." I mean an oblivious self-centeredness that treats the whole process as
ultimately about me. After all, what is the main question everyone asks about dating, falling in
love, and getting married? "How do I know if I've found the one?" What is the unspoken ending
to that question? "For me." Will this person make me happy? Will this relationship meet my
needs? How does she look? What is the chemistry like? Have I done as well as I can do?
I cannot tell you how many men I have counseled who are terrified to commit, worrying that as
soon as they do, "something better will come walking around the corner."
Selfishness is not what drives a biblical marriage, and therefore should not be what drives a
biblical courtship. Biblical courtship recognizes the general call to "do nothing out of selfish
ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves" (Phil. 2:3, NIV).
It also recognizes the specific call that Ephesians 5:25 gives men in marriage, where our main
role is sacrificial service. We are to love our wives as Christ loved the church, giving himself up
for her. That means loving sacrificially every day. Biblical courtship means that a man does not
look for a laundry list of characteristics that comprise his fantasy woman so that his every desire
can be fulfilled, but he looks for a godly woman as Scripture defines her — a woman he can
love and, yes, be attracted to, but a woman whom he can serve and love as a godly husband.
In other words, modern dating asks, "How can I find the one for me?" Biblical courtship
asks, "How can I be the one for her?"
3. The Difference in Methods
Third, and most practically, modern dating and biblical courtship are different in their methods.
And this is where the rubber really meets the road. In modern dating, intimacy precedes
commitment. In biblical courtship, commitment precedes intimacy.
According to the current school of thought, the best way to figure out whether you want to marry
a particular person is to act as if you are married and see if you like it. Spend large amounts of
time alone together. Become each other's primary emotional confidantes. Share your deepest
secrets and desires. Get to know that person better than anyone else in your life. Grow your
physical intimacy and intensity on the same track as your emotional intimacy. What you do and
say together is private and is no one else's business, and since the relationship is private, you
need not submit to anyone else's authority or be accountable. And if this pseudo-marriage
works for both of you, then get married. But if one or both of you do not like how it is going, go
ahead and break up even if it means going through something like an emotional and probably
physical divorce.
Such is the process of finding "the one," and this can happen with several different people
before one finally marries. In the self-centered world of secular dating, we want as much
information as possible to ensure that the right decision is being made. And if we can enjoy a
little physical or emotional comfort along the way, great.
“What Does a Biblical Relationship Look Like?” – Boundless webzine, Focus on the Family, Oct. 2006
3
Clearly, this is not the biblical picture. The process just described is hurtful to the woman that
the man purports to care about, not to mention to himself. And it clearly violates the command of
1 Thessalonians 4:6 not to wrong or defraud our sisters in Christ by implying a marriage-level
commitment where one does not exist. It will have a damaging effect on the man's marriage and
hers, whether they marry each other or not.
In Biblical relationship, commitment precedes intimacy. Within this model, the man should follow
the admonition in 1 Timothy 5:1-2 to treat all young women to whom he is not married as
sisters, with absolute purity. The man should show leadership and willingness to bear the
risk of rejection by defining the nature and the pace of the relationship. He should do this
before spending significant time alone with her in order to avoid hurting or confusing her.
He should also seek to ensure that a significant amount of time is spent with other couples or
friends rather than alone. The topics, manner, and frequency of conversations should be
characterized by the desire to become acquainted with each other more deeply, but not in a way
that defrauds each other. There should be no physical intimacy outside the context of marriage,
and the couple should seek accountability for the spiritual health and progress of the
relationship, as well as for their physical and emotional intimacy.
Within this model, both parties should seek to find out, before God, whether they should be
married, and whether they can service and honor God better together than apart. The man
should take care not to treat any woman like his wife who is not his wife. Of course he must get
to know his courting partner well enough to make a decision on marriage. However, prior to
the decision to marry, he should always engage with her emotionally in a way he would
be happy for other men to engage with her.
In all these ways, a biblical relationship looks different from a worldly relationship. If this is done
well, Christian women will be honored, even as they are pursued. Christian wives will be
honored. And God will be glorified.
_________________________
Fight for Our freedom cause the government is taking it away.

Top
#2594192 - 05/27/11 08:16 PM Re: Homeschoolers VS Public School (moderators welcome [Re: Brennan]
Coonsnightmare Offline
trapper

Registered: 09/22/08
Posts: 2679
Loc: NY
Nathan no disrespect to your beliefs, but how is God going to find you a wife? He may have made one for you, but he is not going to send her to you. You two must find each other. God helps people who help themselves.
_________________________
One Shot One kill
Think Smarter than the Snake

Top
#2594220 - 05/27/11 08:33 PM Re: Homeschoolers VS Public School (moderators welcome [Re: Brennan]
SkunkWrestler Offline
trapper

Registered: 08/25/08
Posts: 3572
Loc: North of 2poor, MN
Consider the Amish, will you for a moment? When have you seen Amish young adults on a date without any supervision from people they knew, before they were married? Guess what, their divorce rate is so low it's hardly worth mentioning. Surely dating isn't the only way to begin a successful marriage!
_________________________
Originally Posted By: NorthernOutdoors
Friendship is magic.


'Oh no, I found a PLANT growing in the WOODS and I think someone PUT it there!'

Top
#2594239 - 05/27/11 08:42 PM Re: Homeschoolers VS Public School (moderators welcome [Re: NathanY]
frogskinner Offline
trapper

Registered: 05/14/10
Posts: 7
Loc: mn
Originally Posted By: NathanY
Courtship!!! There is other ways of getting to know someone other then by dating. The best way is to be a friend for a wile.
anyway read this

Courtship vs. Dating
Defining Courtship and Dating
Let's begin by defining courtship. Courtship ordinarily begins when a single man approaches a
single woman by going through the woman's father, and then conducts his relationship with the
woman under the authority of her father, family, or church, whichever is most appropriate.
Courtship always has marriage as its direct goal.
What then is dating? Dating, a more modern approach, begins when either the man or the
woman initiates a more- than-friends relationship with the other, and then they conduct that
relationship outside of any oversight or authority. Dating may or may not have marriage as its
goal.
The Differences Between Courtship and Dating
What are the differences in these two systems? For our purposes, there are three broad
differences between what has been called “biblical courtship” and “modern dating.”
1. The Difference in Motive
The first difference lies with the man's motive in pursuing the relationship. Biblical courtship has
one motive — to find a spouse. A man will court a particular woman because he believes it is
possible that he could marry her, and the courtship is the process of discerning whether that
belief is correct. To the extent that the Bible addresses premarital relationships at all, it uses the
language of men marrying and women being given in marriage (see Matt. 24:38; Luke 20:34-
35).
Numbers 30:3-16 talks about a transfer of authority from the father to the husband when a
woman leaves her father's house and is united to her husband. The Song of Solomon
showcases the meeting, courtship, and marriage of a couple — always with marriage in view. I
am not advocating arranged marriages; rather, I am pointing toward the biblical purpose for why
young men and women associate with one another. These passages do not argue that marriage
should be the direct goal of such relationships so much as they assume it.
Modern dating, on the other hand, need not have marriage as a goal at all. Dating can be
recreational. Not only is "dating for fun" acceptable, it is assumed that "practice" and learning by
"trial and error" are necessary, even advisable, before finding the person that is just right for
you. The fact that individuals will be emotionally and probably physically intimate with many
people before settling down with the "right person" is just part of the deal. Yet where is the
biblical support for such an approach to marriage? There is none. How many examples of
"recreational dating" do we see among God's people in the Bible? Zero. The category of
premarital intimacy does not exist, other than in the context of grievous sexual sin.
The motive for dating or courting is marriage. The practical advice I give the singles at
our church is, if you cannot happily see yourself as a married man (or woman) in less
than one year, then you are not ready to date.
“What Does a Biblical Relationship Look Like?” – Boundless webzine, Focus on the Family, Oct. 2006
2
2. The Difference in Mind-set
The second major difference between biblical courtship and modern dating is the mind-set
couples have when interacting with one another. What do I mean by that? Modern dating is
essentially a selfish endeavor. I do not mean maliciously selfish, as in "I'm going to try to hurt
you for my benefit." I mean an oblivious self-centeredness that treats the whole process as
ultimately about me. After all, what is the main question everyone asks about dating, falling in
love, and getting married? "How do I know if I've found the one?" What is the unspoken ending
to that question? "For me." Will this person make me happy? Will this relationship meet my
needs? How does she look? What is the chemistry like? Have I done as well as I can do?
I cannot tell you how many men I have counseled who are terrified to commit, worrying that as
soon as they do, "something better will come walking around the corner."
Selfishness is not what drives a biblical marriage, and therefore should not be what drives a
biblical courtship. Biblical courtship recognizes the general call to "do nothing out of selfish
ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves" (Phil. 2:3, NIV).
It also recognizes the specific call that Ephesians 5:25 gives men in marriage, where our main
role is sacrificial service. We are to love our wives as Christ loved the church, giving himself up
for her. That means loving sacrificially every day. Biblical courtship means that a man does not
look for a laundry list of characteristics that comprise his fantasy woman so that his every desire
can be fulfilled, but he looks for a godly woman as Scripture defines her — a woman he can
love and, yes, be attracted to, but a woman whom he can serve and love as a godly husband.
In other words, modern dating asks, "How can I find the one for me?" Biblical courtship
asks, "How can I be the one for her?"
3. The Difference in Methods
Third, and most practically, modern dating and biblical courtship are different in their methods.
And this is where the rubber really meets the road. In modern dating, intimacy precedes
commitment. In biblical courtship, commitment precedes intimacy.
According to the current school of thought, the best way to figure out whether you want to marry
a particular person is to act as if you are married and see if you like it. Spend large amounts of
time alone together. Become each other's primary emotional confidantes. Share your deepest
secrets and desires. Get to know that person better than anyone else in your life. Grow your
physical intimacy and intensity on the same track as your emotional intimacy. What you do and
say together is private and is no one else's business, and since the relationship is private, you
need not submit to anyone else's authority or be accountable. And if this pseudo-marriage
works for both of you, then get married. But if one or both of you do not like how it is going, go
ahead and break up even if it means going through something like an emotional and probably
physical divorce.
Such is the process of finding "the one," and this can happen with several different people
before one finally marries. In the self-centered world of secular dating, we want as much
information as possible to ensure that the right decision is being made. And if we can enjoy a
little physical or emotional comfort along the way, great.
“What Does a Biblical Relationship Look Like?” – Boundless webzine, Focus on the Family, Oct. 2006
3
Clearly, this is not the biblical picture. The process just described is hurtful to the woman that
the man purports to care about, not to mention to himself. And it clearly violates the command of
1 Thessalonians 4:6 not to wrong or defraud our sisters in Christ by implying a marriage-level
commitment where one does not exist. It will have a damaging effect on the man's marriage and
hers, whether they marry each other or not.
In Biblical relationship, commitment precedes intimacy. Within this model, the man should follow
the admonition in 1 Timothy 5:1-2 to treat all young women to whom he is not married as
sisters, with absolute purity. The man should show leadership and willingness to bear the
risk of rejection by defining the nature and the pace of the relationship. He should do this
before spending significant time alone with her in order to avoid hurting or confusing her.
He should also seek to ensure that a significant amount of time is spent with other couples or
friends rather than alone. The topics, manner, and frequency of conversations should be
characterized by the desire to become acquainted with each other more deeply, but not in a way
that defrauds each other. There should be no physical intimacy outside the context of marriage,
and the couple should seek accountability for the spiritual health and progress of the
relationship, as well as for their physical and emotional intimacy.
Within this model, both parties should seek to find out, before God, whether they should be
married, and whether they can service and honor God better together than apart. The man
should take care not to treat any woman like his wife who is not his wife. Of course he must get
to know his courting partner well enough to make a decision on marriage. However, prior to
the decision to marry, he should always engage with her emotionally in a way he would
be happy for other men to engage with her.
In all these ways, a biblical relationship looks different from a worldly relationship. If this is done
well, Christian women will be honored, even as they are pursued. Christian wives will be
honored. And God will be glorified.


lol completly agree with you nathan. lol laugh
_________________________
I'm a Jesus Freak.

Top
#2594246 - 05/27/11 08:47 PM Re: Homeschoolers VS Public School (moderators welcome [Re: Coonsnightmare]
iwantacoyote Offline
trapper

Registered: 06/23/09
Posts: 1902
Loc: New York 19 yrs
Originally Posted By: coonsnightmare
Nathan no disrespect to your beliefs, but how is god going to find you a wife? He may have made one for you, but he is not going to send her to you. You two must find each other. God helps people who help themselves.


i am a bible believing Christian as well and i dont take it well when the "G" in God is not capitalized, God plains your every foot step of every day...God helps everyone >.<
that dont mean u can sit your [Please excuse my language... I'm an idiot] down and do nothing and expect your life to be just dandy. u have to want it with all your heart


as my daddy told me many time "Matt get your [Please excuse my language... I'm an idiot] up and do somthing" lol
_________________________

Top
#2594265 - 05/27/11 08:55 PM Re: Homeschoolers VS Public School (moderators welcome [Re: Brennan]
SkunkWrestler Offline
trapper

Registered: 08/25/08
Posts: 3572
Loc: North of 2poor, MN
If you are a Bible believing Christian, why would you reject the Biblical model of betrothal?
_________________________
Originally Posted By: NorthernOutdoors
Friendship is magic.


'Oh no, I found a PLANT growing in the WOODS and I think someone PUT it there!'

Top
#2594280 - 05/27/11 09:01 PM Re: Homeschoolers VS Public School (moderators welcome [Re: Brennan]
Coonsnightmare Offline
trapper

Registered: 09/22/08
Posts: 2679
Loc: NY
I think that dating is just a form for the modern day.
It says in the bible that god will help people who help themselves.
God gives you every opportunity, but a person needs to make to best of it.
_________________________
One Shot One kill
Think Smarter than the Snake

Top
#2594287 - 05/27/11 09:04 PM Re: Homeschoolers VS Public School (moderators welcome [Re: Brennan]
SkunkWrestler Offline
trapper

Registered: 08/25/08
Posts: 3572
Loc: North of 2poor, MN
Can you give me that reference? I have not come across that verse.

If a method has proven successful for thousands of years, and is proving today to be more effective than other methods, why would you throw it aside without a second thought?
_________________________
Originally Posted By: NorthernOutdoors
Friendship is magic.


'Oh no, I found a PLANT growing in the WOODS and I think someone PUT it there!'

Top
#2594288 - 05/27/11 09:05 PM Re: Homeschoolers VS Public School (moderators welcome [Re: SkunkWrestler]
iwantacoyote Offline
trapper

Registered: 06/23/09
Posts: 1902
Loc: New York 19 yrs
Originally Posted By: SkunkWrestler
Can you give me that reference? I have not come across that verse.

If a method has proven successful for thousands of years, and is proving today to be more effective than other methods, why would you throw it aside without a second thought?


dude lay off her
_________________________

Top
#2594292 - 05/27/11 09:07 PM Re: Homeschoolers VS Public School (moderators welcome [Re: Brennan]
SkunkWrestler Offline
trapper

Registered: 08/25/08
Posts: 3572
Loc: North of 2poor, MN
Why?
_________________________
Originally Posted By: NorthernOutdoors
Friendship is magic.


'Oh no, I found a PLANT growing in the WOODS and I think someone PUT it there!'

Top
#2594297 - 05/27/11 09:10 PM Re: Homeschoolers VS Public School (moderators welcome [Re: SkunkWrestler]
iwantacoyote Offline
trapper

Registered: 06/23/09
Posts: 1902
Loc: New York 19 yrs
Originally Posted By: SkunkWrestler
Why?


cause im her friend and im telling you enough is enough


here is i bible verse for u!

Matthew 7:5

You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
_________________________

Top
#2594299 - 05/27/11 09:10 PM Re: Homeschoolers VS Public School (moderators welcome [Re: Brennan]
Coonsnightmare Offline
trapper

Registered: 09/22/08
Posts: 2679
Loc: NY
I think we both know that thats not a exact quote. Thats what I took it as though. You can take it as you want.

If you want to use your ways of finding a partner then go for it, but how are you going to do it? Please explain.
_________________________
One Shot One kill
Think Smarter than the Snake

Top
#2594303 - 05/27/11 09:12 PM Re: Homeschoolers VS Public School (moderators welcome [Re: Brennan]
Coonsnightmare Offline
trapper

Registered: 09/22/08
Posts: 2679
Loc: NY
Its ok matt, I think this is why Mr. Paul doesn't want people to talk about religion on here. Soo many people have different thoughts about it.
_________________________
One Shot One kill
Think Smarter than the Snake

Top
#2594307 - 05/27/11 09:14 PM Re: Homeschoolers VS Public School (moderators welcome [Re: Brennan]
SkunkWrestler Offline
trapper

Registered: 08/25/08
Posts: 3572
Loc: North of 2poor, MN
And tell me, iwantacoyote, when did I become a hypocrite? When did I contradict myself? Tell me what log is in my eye? Did I make up Bible passages and pretend someone else wrote them?

Coonsnightmare, I asked for a reference, not an excuse.

Nathan already explained things pretty clearly I thought, maybe you want to take some of your own advice and help yourself?
_________________________
Originally Posted By: NorthernOutdoors
Friendship is magic.


'Oh no, I found a PLANT growing in the WOODS and I think someone PUT it there!'

Top
#2594317 - 05/27/11 09:18 PM Re: Homeschoolers VS Public School (moderators welcome [Re: SkunkWrestler]
iwantacoyote Offline
trapper

Registered: 06/23/09
Posts: 1902
Loc: New York 19 yrs
Originally Posted By: SkunkWrestler
And tell me, iwantacoyote, when did I become a hypocrite? When did I contradict myself? Tell me what log is in my eye? Did I make up Bible passages and pretend someone else wrote them?

Coonsnightmare, I asked for a reference, not an excuse.

Nathan already explained things pretty clearly I thought, maybe you want to take some of your own advice and help yourself?

http://biblebrowser.com/matthew/7-5.htm


u r judgeing her! how many times dose it say in the bible "judge not"
_________________________

Top
#2594320 - 05/27/11 09:19 PM Re: Homeschoolers VS Public School (moderators welcome [Re: Brennan]
Coonsnightmare Offline
trapper

Registered: 09/22/08
Posts: 2679
Loc: NY
It's not a excuse, but if thats what you take it as then thats fine. idc

Courtship? It sounds very close to dating. They are just a form of each other. What happens in courtship when one of the people figure out that the other isn't right?
_________________________
One Shot One kill
Think Smarter than the Snake

Top
#2594323 - 05/27/11 09:20 PM Re: Homeschoolers VS Public School (moderators welcome [Re: Brennan]
SkunkWrestler Offline
trapper

Registered: 08/25/08
Posts: 3572
Loc: North of 2poor, MN
I still haven't received a passage, coonsnightmare.

iwantacoyote, I am not judging anyone. I am pointing out seeming inconsistencies. That, I thought, was part of being a Christian brother?
_________________________
Originally Posted By: NorthernOutdoors
Friendship is magic.


'Oh no, I found a PLANT growing in the WOODS and I think someone PUT it there!'

Top
#2594331 - 05/27/11 09:22 PM Re: Homeschoolers VS Public School (moderators welcome [Re: Brennan]
SkunkWrestler Offline
trapper

Registered: 08/25/08
Posts: 3572
Loc: North of 2poor, MN
And by the way, in courtship, if they find they aren't right for each other, they break up without having their hearts broken. Much harder line to walk, when you are dating.
_________________________
Originally Posted By: NorthernOutdoors
Friendship is magic.


'Oh no, I found a PLANT growing in the WOODS and I think someone PUT it there!'

Top
#2594332 - 05/27/11 09:23 PM Re: Homeschoolers VS Public School (moderators welcome [Re: Brennan]
Coonsnightmare Offline
trapper

Registered: 09/22/08
Posts: 2679
Loc: NY
Can you please answer my question now?

I dont have a exact passage. I read it and it stuck.
_________________________
One Shot One kill
Think Smarter than the Snake

Top
#2594333 - 05/27/11 09:23 PM Re: Homeschoolers VS Public School (moderators welcome [Re: Brennan]
SkunkWrestler Offline
trapper

Registered: 08/25/08
Posts: 3572
Loc: North of 2poor, MN
That's right, it's in the book of Hezekiah AKA someone made it up, and it was never in the Bible. And I did answer your question.
_________________________
Originally Posted By: NorthernOutdoors
Friendship is magic.


'Oh no, I found a PLANT growing in the WOODS and I think someone PUT it there!'

Top
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