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#124309 - 03/06/07 06:23 PM Long Hunter
MADTRAPPER50 Offline
trapper

Registered: 01/02/07
Loc: Jackson cty. Wisc.
Feedback welcome.

Long Hunter

Hunting:
all through life
for dreams I want to make real.
So many times,
I've come close.
But missed.
Still:
I keep hunting.
Fore I know persistence
in this chase
is what makes
a dreamer try.



Edited by MADTRAPPER50 (03/12/07 06:42 PM)
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#132704 - 03/12/07 05:54 PM Re: Long Hunter [Re: MADTRAPPER50]
James Offline
"Minka"

Registered: 12/26/06
Loc: Anchorage, Alaska
I like the analogy between hunting and pursuit of your dreams. You might flesh it out more, with a middle stanza showing your failed attempts to bag a dream.

Last stanza needs re-worked. "Sport" seems somehow to diminish the chase. "A good Hunter real" seems clunky, and I'm not sure what it means. A real hunter?

Jim
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#132820 - 03/12/07 06:46 PM Re: Long Hunter [Re: James]
MADTRAPPER50 Offline
trapper

Registered: 01/02/07
Loc: Jackson cty. Wisc.
Jim,
You were correct. After reading it for the gazillionth time I see what you mean. I've made some changes but did not add another stanza as you mentioned. I'll have to ponder that.
Thanks for your input.
Mark
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